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Whispers

“The divine”,
“This physical nothing”, he spoke in a lifeless voice,
Sparing nothing in the last attempt at fate,

Wishing as I glanced upon a star,
The last scarlet tear released,
Dipping from my lash, slowly making its way through the stroke of death,
Hitting its peak from the very existence it spawned, “drip”, he said,

* There is nothing left *, as I pushed my hand through the air, creating a silent stroke sound,
The very inspiration of life, dying out slowly, muffled in the face of reality,

Once limitless, boundless fields of light, glaring into my soul,
Now only pointless reading of finely printed lines,
Covering the true meaning with effortless details,

Pulling the cold rough trigger that once held so much potential,
“I am one with God!”, he gasped,

As the realization flooded my being,
My cold heart just stopped…

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Parley

“Are you alright?”

Time to slither into this corner and drown. There is a trail of snail.
“The flu!” you say.
Let me bathe in this shadow. Prickly.
I’ll pull the hairs from this ball of dust to make separate.
One moment please.

I roll without moving then hold the round knob. Slick with snail.
Turn left here. Move briskly!

Crossing is more fun than thinking.
I gather my things before departing. This holy sun casts long the bounds.
Besides I see… that’s just my death sneaking up on me.

“Oh him?”
Not much of a tasker. If you give up now he’ll leave.
“He smells like black olives!”
That smell just before passing out from holding your breath. You always said romantic things.

Your face morphs between monsters and angels. Who was I?
I like this and that. I’ll find footsteps.

This thing that comes from me escapes briefly and I lost track.
“No, you were!”
Lost again, I’ll settle for this fountain. Gold nuggets disintegrate in the bottom and those smiling faces dissolve into brittle bone.

Typical.

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Dancing

The air breathes like syrup and I push heavy,
This feeling like a memory leans forward and whispers a reminder only I know.

What? What is..? My mind tingles electric.
The air around me swims and distorts like waves of heat crashing.
My arms move only forward. All things only forward.

This state of true meaninglessness.
Drunk, I take a few steps and watch carefully.
Fluorescence ignite, burning hot and cold the same.
It’s too bright to more than glance, and I glance again.

You’re hinting, aren’t you? I can no longer stand from weightlessness, and my smile becomes automatic.
My mouth full of saliva as I taste the air. It has no flavor and I walk into the crashing heat.
I step lightly and with each step I wonder, “Will this be the one that connects moments?”

Forward as I look back, and back.
Everything becomes what will never always be.
I have no sense as potential flickers before me unfocused.

I watch in 5 dimensions the rising heat.

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Thoughts from a Megalomaniac

meg·a·lo·ma·ni·ac
meɡələˈmānēˌak – noun
1. a person who is obsessed with their own power.
adjective
2. exhibiting megalomania.

You know that feeling where you think you can save the world single handedly?  My entire life I’ve felt very elitist when comparing myself to others.  It’s a repeating pattern.

I’m good at everything, except what I’m not good at, which is what I’m not interested in enough to be good at.  Convenient, right?  Or how I think if I’m crossing the road and am hit by a car, I should have known better because I know the future.

The rational part of my brain is highly skeptical about myself and the world around me.  The intuitive part of my brain is fully convinced that the external world is funneled through my own ego, and that everything pivots from my existence.  The funny part is, I don’t long for self importance… what I long for is being unimportant.

When someone does something they are supposed to do, exactly as planned, I am ECSTATIC!  The world kept doing its thing, without me.  That is truly grand.

Yet I can’t shake this feeling that I *could* / *can* / *do* know the future, and that I *could* / *can* / *do* have the capability to “save” humanity.   I also fully acknowledge that the world does keep spinning without me and that I am not a requirement for the world.

I don’t at any level feel I am pivotal in the universe, but I do feel like I *could* be.  I have the capability to be pivotal.  Will I be pivotal though?  Will I choose to be?

I certainly don’t seek attention like a narcissist… but I do seek understanding and exploration of ideas with other people.  Yet I stand above everything.  I feel as though the river I am walking cannot carry me away with its current.  I am “above” everyone else… but I am not “better” than everyone else.  I am the observer and the action, the past and the future, nothing and everything.

Is this a connection with reality, or the furthest thing from it?